Just to keep the blog alive...

I haven't posted in a while. Mostly because I'd post about politics, and probaby I wouldn't change anybody's mind -- while getting myself worked up in a rage. Be well. -- Rachel

Your Friend's Messy House

You have a friend, maybe several friends, reluctant to have you visit or even see past their front door.  Your friend can take five minutes to locate a single document on his desk, or to locate her keys in her purse.

You think, my friend doesn't care about getting organized; such a slob, but I like my friend anyway.

Well, your friend probably suffers from depression or crippling anxiety, or both.  Your friend really wants everything to be perfect, and is so embarrassed that the item can't be quickly located, they start stressing.  If you could monitor their heartbeat and blood pressure while they search their desk, their car, their pockets, you would see that both are skyrocketing.  If you watch their face, you'll see it either go pale or get dark red patches.  Their hands are perspiring heavily.

And this happens to them several times a day.  At least.

Later in the day, reflecting on the incident, your friend is deeply ashamed.  "I can never do anything right," they think.  "I disappoint other people all the time."

So....go easy on them.  Maybe you can help; probably you can't. 

Probably the best thing you can do for your friend is, at some other time and in some other context, praise their skill at something:  "You tell such great jokes."  "I can't tell you how much it cheered me up when I came into the meeting and saw that you'd be there, too."  "Your friendship and support mean a lot to me."

Overnight guests

Your overnight guests may need a few simple things to make them comfortable.

First, make sure they know where they will sleep and how to find the bathroom at night.  If possible, light their way; otherwise, provide a small flashlight with fresh batteries.

Be sure the bathroom has minimal supplies -- toilet paper, soap at the sink, a clean handtowel.  If you can, provide towels that have a different color and texture than others that might be in the bathroom.  You and your spouse probably know that one of you uses this towel bar, and the other one uses that bar.  But a sleepy guest at four a.m. does not, and won't want to wake you to ask.

Third, many people over 40 will probably appreciate a bed that has a headboard and a small mound of pillows in clean pillowcases.  I occasionaly have acid reflux problems and mild asthma.  At home, I sleep with my head and shoulders elevated on a small ramp of pillows.  I was recently offered a guest bed wth nice sheets and a good mattress -- set in the middle of the room, away from any walls, without a headboard.  I did round up pillows, but they skittered all over the floor as I tried to fall asleep.

Last, offer a capped bottle of water near the bed (if you can't provide a small pitcher of water and a glass).  A night table -- even a chair set near the bed-- and a box of tissues will also be appreciated.

Diets Don't Work if They Deprive You

My mother, a chemist who minored in nutrition, always said, "Never go on a diet.  But you might want to consider changing your eating habits."

Her feeling was, no temporary drastic change to your eating was likely to do much more than give your body a nutritional deficit.

And in my own life, I know that if I try for a week to eat only "diet food", by the end of the week I've bought a pint of ice cream and eaten half of it.

So...is there a better answer?  Probably.

First, educate yourself.  What's in the food you're eating now, the food you enjoy? What vitamins and minerals does it contain?  How much fat, how much sugar?  (Lots of "low fat" is also "high sugar"; the packagers just hope you don't notice.)  How do various cooking methods affect the nutritional content of food?

Second, reconsider.
     * Can you include a complementary item at the same meal?  Mom rarely let us eat ice cream without also having half a banana.  Pancakes and maple syrup were served with a side of homemade applesauce, not very sweet.  When I brought TV dinners to work as "lunch", I learned to open them halfway through the cooking, and pour in some frozen vegetables before finishing the heating process -- if I put them in at the start, they just got too mushy. 
    * Is there another way to cook the item so it will have fewer calories but still be yummy?  Deep-frying is pretty bad, but (a) you can peel off and discard the deep-fried shell after you've enjoyed a bit or two for flavor, and (b) maybe you could cook the same item in a frying pan with an olive oil spray.

Third, can you cut down portions just a bit?  This is best done before you take a bite.  I often ask restaurants to bring me an empty takeout container at at the same time that they bring my food.  I divide portions in half, and put one half into the takeout dish.  Then I enjoy the rest of my meal from the restaurant plate.  Later, that set-aside half makes another entire meal.

Fourth, indulge sometimes.  If you spend three days wishing you could have a chocolate malt, have a small one.  Then try to live without another one for a while.

Fifth, if it's not yummy, stop.  I will succumb to a tasty-sounding dessert item on a restaurant menu, or that fab-looking pudding at a potluck.  But if the first three bites aren't as tasty as I'd hoped, I set it aside.  I'm willing to wear calories that I enjoyed eating.  But finishing the cake slice just because it cost $4?  No.

Six, include small amounts of things that you do find satisfying --  a bit of butter on your asparagus, a smidge of real cream in your coffee.  It's is probably better for you than that powdered stuff I call "paper cream".   Enjoy real maple syrup (it's actually healthier than "pancake syrups" that are mostly sugar or corn syrup).  Treat yourself to fresh fruit.

And try including a walk with every meal, either before or after (or between dinner and dessert, as my family did for the Big Days like Thanksgiving).

Don't Steal

It's so veddy, veddy ugly.

Enjoy Your Blessings

I'm getting old. (Well, so's everyone who isn't dead.) I watch my friends losing mobility, having cataract surgery, using canes. So every time I can watch something beautiful, every time I can step up to a high curb, or run for a minute to catch my bus, drive my own car where and when I want, I realize that these simple pleasures may be denied to me someday -- and it's time to enjoy what I have now.

Sunsets. Smiles. Happy events in the lives of your friends and family. Beautiful music. Soft warm clothes. Clean freshly-bathed skin. Yummy food. An interesting idea.

-- Rachel Holmen

Take a Walk!

Walking has any number of benefits; even a short one will help reduce stress, and regular long walks (defined as 20 minutes or more) improve circulation and help stabilize your weight.

So as Geoffrey Rush's character says in one of the PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN movies, Boys, Take a Walk! (Of course, they're walking underwater, on sand. You don't have to work quite that hard. In fact, the underwater part is probably a Bad Idea (TM).)

-- Rachel Holmen

If you autopay your bills, use your own checking account

Don't let the credit card company take a draft automatically. Occasionally, these will occur too frequently, or there will be other difficulties. Instead, use your own checking account's bill-paying function, so you always have control over which bills are about to be deducted from your account.

Cut People Some Slack

Having a bad day? Getting grief from everyone around you? Maybe it's time to back off and realize that maybe THEY'RE having a bad day, too. We all know the stereotype of the crabby old person -- probably they have fingers and backs that ache, and their crabbiness may be rooted in pain. When I was grieving for the death of a friend, I found myself being rude and nasty to all sorts of people -- and tried to lighten up, to apologize and say straight out, I'm sorry, a friend died recently and I'm having a hard time coping -- and people usually forgave me.

If you realize that YOU'RE the problem, own up, apologize, and try not to take out your unhappiness on innocent parties. You may not create World Peace and Joy, but at least you won't be increasing everyone's misery level.

Don't Visit without an Invitation

I have a cell phone, a land line, two postal addresses (street and box), and email. So when a friend I hadn't seen in a year, showed up a *1 am* recently, without any prior contact via ANY of these channels, it was unsettling. And the place was a mess, which was embarrassing.

Don't impose on people you like by visiting unannounced.

-- crabby Aunt Rachel

In subsequent weeks, this person came by twice on work nights and left a note, complaining I wasn't home. He had still never called or used email to contact me.

Watch Yo' Mouth (II)

Thumper says, in BAMBI, "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." I took that advice to heart recently at a memorial. My relationship with the dead man had been VERY complex, and sometimes all I can remember is the negative. So I refrained from making an public comments at all. (And mind you, I had cried when I heard that he had died. I had always told friends, "I love him, I just don't LIKE him.")

In my now rather long life, it's suprising how the cutting word, the negative attitude expressed in public, will come back to haunt you years later. I have more than one friend whose careers were damaged by forceful outbursts on public occasions.

Take ex-candidate McCain's graceful resignation speech in Nov. 2008 as your model. THERE was someone with true class. -- Rachel Holmen

Watch Yo' Mouth (I)

Profanity seems to be everywhere. Even George Carlin's famous seven words (or was it five?) seem common on television and in speech I hear in public places. But it *really* offends some people, people whose respect you might want, so tone it down when possible. -- Aunt Rachel

Not too much makeup

Women and girls, don't wear so much makeup that your skin and eyes are lost under gunk. I read ads about "natural makeup" with minerals -- really, do you want to put DIRT on your face? A light coating of makeup can make your skin seem smoother, and blush is nice for contouring your face. But keep makeup to a minimum, and your skin will be much happier. -- Rachel Holmen

Read a book

I love libraries. As I child, my parents kept moving to different houses (often in the same town); they kept their friends, we kids lost ours. By the time I was ten, I was a confirmed recluse, but I could always feel at home in a library. I read about Eleanor of Aquitaine, Jim Bridger, Geronimo, Queen Elizabeth, the civil war, outer space, fairy tales, romances, sumi-e painting, embroidery, puppetry, flowers birds trees tidepooling mammals reptiles amphibians, dip candlemaking, dressing a 4-harness loom, American ballads, Akhenaton, Iroquois beading and quillwork, Mayans in feathered capes, Richard Coeur de Leon, basketmaking.

I guess I didn't own a lot of books, but I always had something to read, something to learn, some new idea to consider.

-- Rachel Holmen

Don't stay too late at work

You know, nobody ever said on their deathbed, "I wish I'd spent more time at the office." Instead, it's "I wish I had travelled with my wife when we were both younger." "I wish I'd played more with my teenagers." "I wish I'd learned to play music."

Follow your passions now, while you can.

-- Rachel

Socks

Buy at least 2 identical pairs of socks at the same time. That way, even if you lose ONE, you can still wear a pair.

Fabulously warm and cozy wool socks, sold as men's work socks but they fit my women's-size-8-shoe foot just fine (and only $6 a pair): the shoe store in Oakland, Calif., at Jefferson and 7th, near the Hall of Justice and next door to the wonderful Mexican deli, La Borinquena.

The Shoe Spot

La Borinquena (yes it's actually La Borinqueña).



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Keep track of when you take pills

I've been feverish recently, so I took Tylenol as often as I felt was safe. To keep myself from taking the next pills too soon, I kept a small post-it pad and a pen next to my bed, and when I took pills, I'd jot crypticly, "2 Tyl 7:30 pm Mon" or something similar.

Fear Makes You Stupid

So try not to be too afraid of anything; if that's not possible, try extra-hard to think clearly.

ICE your phone

Put a listing into your cell phone's dialing directory that begins with three capital letters: I C E. This stands for "In Case of Emergency". Let's say you are found unconscious on the street with a broken arm and a bump on the head. Rescuers will look at your phone for the ICE directory, and might be able to notify a family member, coworker, or friend. See snopes.com for more information.

If you can't fall asleep

Warm up your feet. Stand in the bathtub, use a hot water bottle wrapped in a towel, or put on thick socks, prewarmed if possible.